I notice one that keeps coming up when I work with business leaders. One of these patterns or thinking errors is the feeling of obligation. It manifests itself directly in our everyday thoughts:

“ I have to show up at this meeting.”

“ You have to answer all customer calls.”

“ I have to finish all my tasks by 5:00 tonight.”

This bad habit can prevent me from seeing a source of stress in a different light. It makes it harder to adapt to new or unexpected situations. It manifests itself in a constant addition of “I must” and “I must” to the tasks of daily life. “I have to come home early to make dinner for the kids.”

Now, these errors in perception reduce the sense of control I have over my environment. I don't have to come home early to make dinner for the kids (rigid thinking that causes stress). I prefer to come home early so they can eat a balanced home-cooked meal. The goal is a balanced meal. So, do I know a takeout restaurant that will allow me to achieve it? The Lebanese restaurant on the corner? So, I take the time I need to finish this file and if I finish too late, it will be Lebanese for everyone! (alternative thinking better adapted to reality)

How to neutralize the perverse effect of the feeling of obligation? Remember and apply the following reality in your daily life: I am never obliged to do anything. Obligations do not exist . Hard to believe, isn’t it? But it’s true. Obligations do not exist, only choices exist . And of course, choices imply consequences. Paying my taxes is not a choice, you say? Well yes, it is. You can decide not to pay, but there will be consequences. Perhaps you are ready to assume them? This is a pertinent question that we must ask ourselves.

So, by introducing the notion of choice into my everyday life, we repatriate control to our side. I make choices. These have consequences that I accept. Thus, I keep control on my side.

• My presence at this meeting is not essential, so I will attend if my schedule permits.

• Although it was my preference to answer all customer calls, I choose to prioritize calls during office hours.

• As much as I would like to complete all of these tasks, I have until 5pm to move my list forward in order of priority.

Some of these choices will be difficult, but this is how I will be able to develop a better management of my obligations in my professional, family and personal lives: by seriously considering the inconveniences caused by not fulfilling my obligations and by accepting that, sometimes, living with the consequences is the best decision to adequately manage my resources.